“Since”

Since is a good word, 
Take note mama, we’ll need it later. 
Since you’ve done that, causal.
Since I’ve been, nostalgic.
Time under consideration, 
Between then and now. 
If it’s hard to say with a dry mouth, 
Say ‘ago’. 

We’ve been since-ing for a while now,
Don’t laugh, it’s honest. 
I would love to, however, 
although, notwithstanding, yet, but. 
My fingers have grown so far apart now, 
Spreading like tendrils to block outside air
In our honeycomb house, yours now. 
Desert’s fever cuts right through you otherwise—
What a good word.
It’s hard to keep track of good words.

But, eventually, by which I mean at long last, 
Not someday, I need to take air and become someone. 
My feet are too heavy to kick off the covers
Around you, when you toss and turn
And need me. 
The heat won’t hurt though, and I need to feel it too, 
A heat that’s free unlike our huddled warmth, 
Shivering against the whirring fan and its plastic wings. 

Used to, that’s not quite like since.
I’ve left my post next to you
With the other daughters.
Here’s a last example—since I’ve arrived,  
I must have left somewhere too. I’ve left and been 
thinking of you, since.

Artwork by Simone Hadebe

Amal Al Shamsi is an Emirati writer based in the U.K. Her work in poetry explores unconventional femininity and the odd mixture of first and secondhand memories. When she's not writing, she's reading magical realist novels in the desperate hope of talking about them for a living.