走得安樂嗎？
I hurried back to Hong Kong a few days after her stroke.
She had raised me with her boisterous cooking and dominant waddle. And here she was, a peanut of a woman, eyes unfocused, jaw unhinged.
I walked up to her bed and cradled her hand.
“I’m here.”
“I- I- ” It was a ghost of a whisper compared to her hearty laughs.
“Tell me.”
“I want-”
“Food? Water? The toilet?”
She dragged her head left and right: no.
“Do you want to eat?”
“Want- ”
She swallowed, and found the word.
“Want die.”
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In Chinese, euthanasia (安樂死) translates to “die peacefully.” And for those whose dignity is stripped by incurable chronic illnesses, for those who live in the torment of pain each day, death can be a happy ending.
Entitled 走得安樂嗎？(Did You Leave Peacefully?), my piece is a personal exploration of what it means to die on your own terms. The audio weaves together a recording of Ah Bun, a gymnastics-instructor-turned-quadriplegic who wrote a public letter to the Chief Executive of Hong Kong asking for euthanasia, and Disney’s “I See The Light.”
Who’s to say that life is the fairy tale? My piece seeks not to glorify death, but only to say that death is the light to some, and who are we to deny them the light?
Garreth Chan is the multimedia editor of Postscript Magazine. He is a transdisciplinary artist from Hong Kong, focusing on the intersection of sound, text, and video. He holds a BA in Music and Sociology from NYU Abu Dhabi.
Garreth worked at a film production house as a film colorist and audio engineer before deciding to explore as a freelancer. His work in film and theater has premiered in Amman, New York, London, Hong Kong, Abu Dhabi, and Budapest, among others.
He is most interested in notions of silence and the mundane.